Patricia Mazefsky

I am not sure if I am putting up too much content too quickly on the blog, but I cannot get the beach out of my head this summer. I have wanted to do this blog for over a year now, and finally I have gotten it together so that it can happen. As noted in the introduction, I have been a beach lover all of my life. I cannot remember a summer as a child that did not include 10 days at my family's vacation spot, Wildwood Crest, NJ. Both of my parents LOVED the beach, so I guess I come by it naturally. Many of my best childhood memories center around our trips to the beach. Many of my favorite memories with my family include OUR trips to the beach, and for the past ten years, the Outer Banks in particular. We always came for about 10 days as a family, and about a week with our mothers and extended family. My wife and I both lost our fathers at a young age, so they never were able to do these trips with us. Unfortunately, the past few years have not allowed us to inlcude our mothers either, as mine passed away, and Lisa's is unable to travel anymore. Both of them loved the trip to the Outer Banks, and in particular our week long eating spree! I can picture them both eating the raw bar at Awful Arthurs and enjoying one of the few times in a year when EVERYONE in the family could be in the same place laughing. It felt good for us to be able to give them those moments, as they had given us many when we were kids. In the process of looking up some of my materials for the blog, I stumbled across the notes for the eulogy I gave at my mother's funeral. After some debate as to the appropriateness of putting this out there, I decided that given my mother's love of the Outer Banks, it might be a good tribute to her.

IF YOU KNEW MY MOTHER YOU KNEW:

That she loved horses, owning several before passing that love on to my children;
That she loved the beach, taking us to the Jersey shore every year of my youth, through our most recent treks to the Outer Banks, she never could get enough....a trait she also passed down to us;
That the beach chairs and umbrellas had to be planted before 8 am;
That she loved the fried clam basket and dirty banana at Awful Arthurs;

IF YOU KNEW MY MOTHER YOU KNEW:

That to her, Pepsi was the fifth food group! Add a lemon and it was like fruit salad;
That like the US ARMY commercial she did more before 9 am than most did all day, using Pepsi and Virginia Slims to fuel her routine by 4 am daily;
That she had a good sense of humor, as she managed to raise my brother and I without killing either one of us. If you knew us back then you would realize what an accomplishment that was, especially if you knew my brother;
That she could lack patience at times.....I am not sure if that trait was passed on or not.......we even saw some evidence that she might be stubborn;

IF YOU KNEW MY MOTHER YOU KNEW:

That roadside stands and farmers markets were like magnets adding hours to any trip....The 9 hour trip to the Outer Banks was 12 for mom;
That her four grandchildren Alison, Krista, Jaiden, and Jamie adored her and called her Grammy....you also knew that Christmas Eve at her home was one of the highlights of the year;
That her grandchildren loved walking on the beach with her, and that her backyard held many of the treasures they found together on the beach;

IF YOU KNEW MY MOTHER YOU KNEW:

That she had more food in her house than most grocery stores...
If you ever ate at my house you also knew that she knew what to do with it...she made a spaghetti sauce that no Irish girl should ever have been able to make and if you were lucky enough to be on her annual holiday cookie and candy tray list you know what I mean!

But like ME, you might NOT have known the depth of her courage, strength and selflessness;

Mom was diagnosed with lung cancer on a friday afternoon the first of December after a series of tests. Despite knowing, she did not tell us, as we were leaving for a surprise party for my sister in law in Virginia Beach. She told us when we got back so we did not miss the trip;
Even with the knowledge of her illness, she had her annual Christmas Eve dinner, although with a little more help from the rest of us and it was a memory we all cherish;
It was two days after Christmas that I watched as her oncologist told her that she had Stage 4 lung cancer that had spread to her brain, spine, ribs and legs..she made no expression, though you could see her shoulders sag.......after absorbing THAT blow she asked ME if I was alright.........

After several more hospital stays, and much more personal trauma inflicted by her husband, she went to have Gamma knife surgery on the two tumors in her brain, only to find out that there were now 8. After a brief show of emotion, she asked again if I was okay and sent me to a deli to bring her a brisket sandwich and soup;
The remainder of her short battle was even tougher than the beginning, but even one week before her death during the first week of February, she was planning our annual beach trip to the Outer Banks with us. Her condition suddenly worsened, but even as she faced what she KNEW she was facing, she had a kind word for all that she dealt with. It struck me that throughout her ordeal, even as the news got worse and worse she remained kind and gentle to all that she dealt with. I will always remember her brave smile and one finger wave she gave her friends and family as we came to and from her room on what would be her last evening of life. I know now that my mother was one of the most courageous and strongest people I will ever know, and we miss her always, but just a bit more in June and December. Thank you for everything you did for us and for giving us the passion for the ocean and beach.